where the heart speaks

I ran across an old Valentine’s day card I got from you tonight. That was my first ever Valentine’s Day card from someone I loved. The envelope read, “to my significant other/ Linh Ta”… As I stood there reading it, I had a rush of emotions overwhelm me. At first it I was smiling but then it was oh so bittersweet. The line that killed me was, “it’s been a great 4 months and I can’t wait for infinity + more. Love you!”.

Sad isn’t it? That here I am 3 or so years later still getting upset over something small like that. :sigh: It’s true what they say, first loves die hard. But at the same time, who knows if it’ll ever die? I just know one thing for sure, is that I am in a happy place right now and things can only look up from here. My heart is fragile and only a few can make their way in. And if you’re one of the few, consider yourself lucky because I have worlds of love to give.

I often feel this way; you know, that emptiness… The feeling of just giving up on what reality throws at you. I often wish to sleep forever because I know that way, I will never get hurt. Nothing and nobody will be able to bring me down no matter how hard they try. It’s not my fault that I love too dearly and care too much for those who don’t deserve it. It’s in my nature… We all have our needs and desires, but when push comes to shove, who is really there for you? I’ve come across multiple guys who I feel as though could be “the one” for me, only to have them prove me wrong. Don’t get it twisted, they weren’t all screw-ups. Some actually reciprocated my love and for the time being, it was all that I needed. It was, “enough”. But I am done settling. I want to save myself for the one to right all my wrongs. I know I am better than what I have been settling for, and I am done. Patience has been my strong point, and now more than ever is my true test. Hopefully, all my waiting will pay off one day. I’ll finally be blessed with someone who loves me for who I truly am, and doesn’t judge me on my past. Until then, I shall keep searching for inner peace and stay true to who I am and not let patience get the best of me. Love, please be kind… -linh

So…. I got on facebook and I was logged into my nephew’s fb account… HE HAS A GF AND THEY’RE ALL LIKE “I LOVE YOU THIS I LOVE YOU THAT!!” WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. I can’t handle this right now!! HES ONLY FREAKIN’ 11!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! What do I do!?!?!? Okay, as his aunt, I am entitled to enforcing rules upon him right??? But what do I say? “Hey I’m snooping on you and your gf and you’re too young!?!” T__T Someone shoot me pleaseeeee! LOL I so would vlog this but he’s about 5ft. away from me on his laptop. -__-“

excuse my rant… i’m in crisis mode again. lol

So last week when I was working on my car, I forgot I had grease and whatnot on my hands. Well I have this bad habit of not washing my hands right away, and I forgot and wiped the sweat off my face. -_-” I had a bad allergic reaction to whatever was on my hands, and my face has been suffering this past week. :’[ Right now the bumps all along my left side of my chin and cheek are gone. Still breaking out one pimple after another, when normally I get a pimple once every two months. :sigh: Then there is my lips. They were so badly chapped, cracked, peeling, and swollen that finally I got some meds and they doubled in size. I am currently staring at them and gg they look like I got lip injections. LOL praying they will go down soon. Good night tumblr! <3 #distressed

I always knock out instantly once I hit the bed from being upset/pissed/hurt. It takes soo much energy out of me to be angry and whatnot. Sucks. Im the type of person who cares for others a whole lot. Most of the time I go out of tge way to do things for others and fam is no exception. Fam is #1 in my book and when I get disrespected, it hits me hard. I’m big on respect and always give where it is received. But when fam is disrespecting me, it’s hard for me to handle it.

Well tonight was my brothers graduation, and I went out of my way to get him balloons, bought airhorns, and made a poster for him. I love this kid to death, but he has a nasty habit of disrespecting me. I let things slide all the time bc he’s so easily irritated and angered. “He’s such a bitch!”, like I always say. You know ever since we were little, I always had to watch what I said around him. It sucks having to monitor what you say when you’re around someone bc it’s not natural. I constantly have to worry about “oh if I say this would he get mad” or “if I point something out will he go off on me”. It’s dumb. I can’t even count how many times I’ve cried over being pissed off at him. He always yells at me like he’s my elder or something, and that irritates the hell out of me. He makes himself out to be older and smarter than me when in fact, he is in the wrong. When we’re around fam he’s not too bad, but in public around our (or his) friends he’s the absolute worst. He always yells at me from across the room at parties for no reason. It’s like I’m not allowed to talk to anyone or something.

I never do/say things to embarrass him bc I’m not that kind of person and I know what will upset him. It just pisses me off every single time he pulls the, “hingg?!?!” (the name he’s called me since he was a baby) number at every party and gives me that, “wtf are you doing quit being stupid wth” kind of look/gesture. Bottom line, disrespectful. 1. I can do/ say whatever and whenever the hell I want despite what ANYONE says. 2. I am the older sibling and he should not be “yelling” at me in any way shape or form. 3. When he started hanging out with my friends way back when, I never said no and let him join my circle of friends.

Tonight maybe I shouldn’t have sent him an angry text, but I was extremely pissed. Yea, it was his graduation night and all, but we’ve had this incident happen one too many times. I wanted to get my point across and let him know how angry I was. For me to go out of my way for him today just to have him talk to me like that? Disrespect.